It’s funny how retirement changes your perspective and thinking. No. I’m not a nouveau Liberal; let’s be real. But there’s time now to think about things which never hit the radar before. When you’re mired in one work crisis/drama/episode after another, it’s all you can do sometimes to make it to the weekend and self medicate (read: drink your face off) and shake off the angst. Retirement is a heady experience, and after 5 years (still can’t believe it) I’m really starting to feel the effects of liberation. It’s interesting and brings along new “challenges” when your brain is no longer consumed with reactionary staccato and is now quieter. More mindful.

My husband, Rudy, subscribes to the Epoch Times and they often present thought provoking articles. One recently resonated with me. It was about longevity. What factors can contribute to a longer life (not that anyone really knows, but the ideas are fun to read):

1. Getting a good nights sleep.

2. Hydration (water).

3. Socialization.

I love sleeping. I very rarely get that FOMO (fear of missing out) vibe; my bed is a happy place. And even more joyful when I’m sharing it with Rudy and Molly (our lovely aging Bouvier). In order to maximize my sleep experience, I will consume an edible and a warm beverage (tea or Calm) before bedtime. My heating pad is turned onto a soothing warmth for my lower back and my sparkling water is on the nightstand. I read a few pages and drift off. On average I’m good for 7 to 8 hours. My Fitbit is set to 8 hours as ideal. Bedtime is around 10 pm. Wake up 7:30 or 8 am. No sleeping issues. I’ve got that covered.

Hydration is easy as long as we stay active. Biking, walking, yoga, pickleball, golf (for Rudy) etc. all call for water. It’s not forced or tedious; it’s a must do. We easily cover our water intake most days.

So here’s the one that’s a little more tricky: socialization. We are both, by nature, very outgoing and friendly. It’s easy for us to make friends and acquaintances quickly since we are involved in a variety of interests. I think one of the harshest injustices was the isolation during COVID. We hurried to Florida where (thankfully) common sense ruled and life continued as normal during this period and coming to Ontario was painful when we realized just how insidious the government mandates were. I’m sure many people are still struggling with the after effects especially the elderly and school children. Isolation, in my view, is agony.

But social activities can also be too much. That’s where we find ourselves today. Finding the right balance between being social and overextending. It’s too easy to say yes. Even if regret results. As retirees we don’t have to live for the weekend. We can rock and roll all night and party everyday if we choose to. There’s a cruel irony to that thought: recovery time is prolonged and way more painful. If you party too much you pay the price. Adrenaline isn’t flowing like the old days.

When we moved into the 55+ community in Florida, Rudy was the first to make the rule: don’t make eye contact. We live in close proximity to neighbours and everyone rolls around the community in their golf carts or electric scooters (I’ve dubbed it “the roller derby”). The roller derby starts after dinner and continues to sundown. Anyone sitting on their front porch is subject to a wave or hello. Not making eye contact causes them to roll on by. We spend a lot of time on our porch and so we’ve made a few aesthetic adjustments (strategically placed palm trees and decor) and seating positions to mitigate our visibility. It seems to be working. The other factor is no visitors: we have only 1 bedroom. Unlike Collingwood where there’s plenty of extra room (and we have ongoing guests all summer and fall), Florida is guest-free. If we want to host a shindig we do so in the public common areas. That has worked out really well. We have all of the social interaction without the invasion of privacy.

Here’s the thing. I like the action of having guests. Most guests. There are a few obligatory guests that it’s easy to say: “thanks for coming … see you next time”. But big gatherings around the table is awesome. It helps that our place is resort-like. People want to come to visit. There’s certain guests that are excellent. Rudy’s friend Ron, for example. He’s such a pleasure to have around. He loves watching the sunrise and he’s soundless as he helps himself to breakfast and coffee. He is very familiar with our space and he manoeuvres through it seamlessly. He’s also handy and if he sees a deficiency he jumps right in. We’ve also had visitors from Germany (my cousin and her daughter) who were refreshingly independent and took our bikes everywhere.

We have a wonderful circle of friends here (locals) who we like to do things with. There’s never a shortage of activities and entertainment. The bottom line for me is I like to make eye contact. Sometimes to my detriment. But mostly it’s all good.

Today I rode my bike to the Y while Rudy golfed. I can report that there are many who are in the “don’t make eye contact” column. And, thankfully, many who are inclined otherwise. The world is a better place when folks are friendly, in my humble opinion. There’s no harm in a friendly hello. It doesn’t mean you’re inviting them for Sunday dinner. They key point, however, is not that people make eye contact, it’s that they are out and about with the opportunity to make eye contact.

Without the opportunity to engage in a hello or something more there’s isolation and loneliness. I think that’s the real issue. Without social interaction we wither. We need human interactions to survive and thrive.

That’s the piece I notice about my folks. Since my moms vision has deteriorated she no longer wants to go out. Her inability to visually assess her surroundings makes leaving her comfort zone of the apartment uncomfortable. She has to be coerced, and some days that’s easier than others. My dad has limited opportunities but they are vital to his psyche. Shopping for groceries for example is one of dads opportunities and he makes almost daily trips to the store. But since most (actually all) of his friends are gone (at 91 that’s not unusual), he has no social network. Is it my place to try and set up “play dates”?

We have a lot of friends gained through our extracurricular activities. Mostly pickleball because it’s such a social sport. Everyone is so thrilled to be active and around others. A few years ago we were on a trans Atlantic cruise. A quick observation showed (in the mostly “silver” crowd) that there were two groups: those with mobility and those without. The mobility group were friendlier and more engaged; they had more opportunities for interaction. They used the walking track, they went to the gym and they simply participated more.

The retired brain wanders to deep recesses. And although we don’t have the work “friends” anymore we find new ones. We learn to enjoy more mental space to ponder. I think it’s why seniors like to travel down memory lane. There’s more racetrack in the rear view than up ahead. How you finish the “race” is as important as the rest of it. The circle of life is inevitable.

Retirement opens a lot of secret doors. I know my mom had all kinds of plans for her retirement including volunteering (at senior homes), learning to paint and continuing with her yoga practice. Somewhere and somehow her plans were derailed. And now, she’s let her dreams slip away and it’s taken her cognitive abilities along. I wish there was a simple fix.

I always think to myself that being regretful (worse than forgetful!) is a dark emotion. Live for today. Share kindness and a hello. Be your best. Put the damn device down and be present (guilty!!). Listen more than you speak; we still have things to learn. Love with abandon.

Make eye contact.