It’s your birthday and I miss you. I think of you everyday and try to notice the signs that you’re still here. I feel like you’re here. So many things remind me of you.

I didn’t want to be sad and have anyone feel sorry for me because I know your spirit is free in the universe and with God. So I decided to take a yoga class (you know I used your yoga mat for years before it got ragged and cheesy) and make my intentions about you. There’s a gratitude board in the studio where you can write your gratefulness down and pin it up. Guess who I was grateful for?

After yoga I thought a peaceful walk in nature would allow me to reflect on you and our family of which you were the centre. Still are! Bok Tower always reminds me of you: peaceful, happy, colourful and beautiful. It’s a special place that I visit often. There’s workshops and lectures and a gorgeous garden that overflows with foliage. You would love it.

Usually I walk the paved pathway. Today if the first time I am walking it without pain and I’m able to daydream and savour the experience without the discomfort. I’m joyful. However, there was an off path walkway and something instinctual made me take that fork. I didn’t realize at first that I was walking through an art installation. But it was food for the soul and I think I know why I was drawn to the path like a magnet.

The meandering walk through the woods was called “Dream Weaver: tales from the trees”.

You are our guardian angel. Always watching over us with care and kindness.

These are words that you would say and have said. A guidance system for life. A strong moral compass.

The little forest elves are clever and curious. I recall trips to the public library where our love of reading was so encouraged. And your own curiosity spurred ours. You were always trying new things and embracing new ideas. Edgar Cayce for example. I still use the almond oil.

You taught us generosity and giving. Always setting an example of goodness. Not that we didn’t have moments, but your constant love 💗 was always present.

So fitting that German lore would be included. Our roots are deeply steeped in culture that you instilled.

I love the presence of butterflies and birds (Tina had the dragonfly) and I’m more mindful of them now. I see you in nature. And in the clouds. In stillness of meditation I feel your spirit.

I often have vivid dreams and try to remember them. On my walk today I met a lady who saw me (crying) and she encouraged me to start a journal. I think that’s a good idea.

Spending the weekend with dad and Tina and reminiscing about the family dinner table. We remarked how you ate at the counter always serving others first. Always making sure we were ok. And the actual food memories were fun, too. Minute steak. Cherry cheesecake. So many delicious memories.

Mom, please take care of our animals and loved ones with you in spirit. You nurture us always.

I love you and miss you.