The Beginning of the End

When you retire there’s a sense of dread and a profound feeling of liberation wrapped into one. That was my experience anyway. The dread comes from the unknown: will I be bored, will we have enough _ (fill in the blank … money… stuff to talk about … interest in each other … ) will my life have purpose and meaning. It’s kind of scary. Like the unknown if a void space. A dark hole.

But at the same time the peaceful sense of liberation takes over and the void represents opportunity. In fact, the vast and endless possibilities present infinite ideas.

We decided, as retirement became our reality this spring, that we would take a year. Reflecting on our business journey and new normal and ultimately settle in to a new routine while ticking a few items off the bucket list. Ergo: camping in an RV, snow birding, travel and random adventures. We also made a conscious decision to shed some of the negatives that were binding such as people we hung out with and habits that we formed. There was a bit of guilt (misplaced mostly) in dropping some “friends” cold turkey, but looking back it has been positive. I didn’t realize how many dodgy decisions I made out of a sense of duty only to find out that the result didn’t make me feel better, rather, it made me mad at myself that I couldn’t simply be honest and true to my gut.

So now, in the very midst of our year of new beginnings, we are nearing the end of another calendar year, a Christmas season and a full moon. And the things that matter most are perfectly present.

There’s nothing I love more than sharing delicious fare with delicious people, and I’m looking forward to doing just that over the next several days. As a retiree I can feel the difference in gatherings as I can be fully present without thinking about business (did we cover payroll, was the thermostat lowered for the holiday break, did the fridge repair guy fix the problem, did we host a sufficient holiday party? Blah blah blah). Now I can participate in the conversation without the voices of reminders and to do’s.

And, by divine grace, my delicious people are all healthy. My mother in-law used to tell me that health was everything. I believed her because she was wise and told me wise things. But it never really resonated until it was in my face. You can never take good health for granted. She also told me to go with the flow. Another thing I didn’t get because I was too wrapped up in deadlines and responsibilities beyond my control.

So the Wiccans believe that a full moon and winter solstice are healing and a chance for new beginnings. This has been a year of new beginnings … and the new perspective that each day is a new beginning.

My wish for all is renewed clarity and a truly grateful heart.

Merry Christmas 🎄

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